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I think I might have lost the motivation wholly. The drive to achieve something that seem unattainable, the drive to work towards it, the drive to be able to excel exceedingly beyond my ability. I lost them. Every thought of it, makes me feel depressed. I really wish that I would be able to get out of this shit hole soon but 6 months seems really, really long. It may happen in a blink of eye, just like how the past 5 months have been, but the thought of it, it's so dreadful.